I don hate u, i never will. I just act like I do, cos its easier than admitting that I miss u

真失败。到现在我还没做到我该做的事。
再一次梦见你，再一次心痛，再一次失去。在我的梦里，出现了不可能会在现实生活里发生的事，就是我们在一起。那种感觉真的很甜，很开心。可是这个是现实生活并不可能发生的事所以不敢想不敢期待。
我已经不敢去渴望你可能还在。也许告诉自己，这一切都已经过了，会比较好过一点吧。
我想最明白我的心情的人会是你吧！
真的希望那天的到来会快一点！慢慢来我一定可以做到！

Many a time, I wish to drop u a sms to ask about you but I choose not to. I also choose not to ask about you in front of others. Although its hard to do but its mine, its our choice.. We both choose for things to be in this way. We'll be happier in this way, I guess... In our own denial, in our own lies..

Its not hard to find someone who tells you that they love you, but its hard to find someone who actually means it

Wish that I am the one by yr side, wish that I am the one accompaying you.

Time seems to bypass so fast! Soon its coming to the mid of 2012, what have I been doing throughout this period?

I didnt realise but someone said to me recently: 现在的你好像变了很多，比较安静比较没有这么... 以前的你好像比较开心比较多话讲。

Although I denied, but I think I changed. Isit for the better or the worse?
I used to blog daily, weekly even thou I had a job but now? I also donno, I seems to have so many free time yet I cut down on blogging. Funny isnt it?

Yippee, counting down to my holiday! I bet its going to be FUN =)

No matter what accomplishments you make, somebody helped you

Met up with Michie and her mum yesterday at Ion. It have been ages since I last catch up with them.
Had a great time out with them.

We went for some fortune telling at Chinatown and I had my reading done as well but I was pretty shocked with my result.
The fortune teller said, are you married?
Me: No, not yet but Im attached

Thereafter he said.. Soon you will be. I asked imm, your soon is how soon. He said maybe in a year or two. My reaction then was, WTH, are you sure? *Dumbstruck*

Although I do wanna get marry but I wasnt feeling exactly happy when I heard him saying so. Maybe there was still so many things I haven do before, maybe because some things shouldnt be rush into as we are still new in the rs, but if something is meant to happened, it will. Well, lets just wait and see how things develop ba.. Till den...

Well, he said that ron and I are compatible, he said 我旺他 which is rather good isnt it? =)
I ask about him but even the teller said, 都过了这么久了 but this isnt wad I wanna hear but maybe its fate lah, even he said so..

Michie was asking, if your BF proposed to you during your trip, what will you do?
I told her impossible cos although Ron did mentioned about marriage thingy but its not the right time yet so I don think he will do it during our trip.

Will you be happy after knowing/hearing this? Will you be happy or sad?

Its not the load that breaks you down, its the way you carry it

Decided to go for a catch up session with Jiayi yesterday. Meet up at Reddot.. That 傻大姐, again let the cabby drop her somewhere inside Dempsey, and she walked down herself to our meet up place -_-" luckily our meeting was at 630pm, if not I have no ideas how she's gonna make her way down.

Not long after, buddy liang, also came down to join me! Haa.. He's somehow becoming like my PT BF!

Can't imagine of the people who I run into even thou I was at Dempsey, such a ulu place..

Firstly, I met Fion.. She was at Long beach having dinner first, I guess she saw I check in FB, thus she jio her friends to chill there as well..

Thereafter I saw him.. At e very beginning I tot Liang was faking me cos i cracked
a joke on him awhile earlier.. Den suddenly Liang said "他讲他也在 Dempsey "
5 secs later "他讲他在 Reddot"
My reaction was, you think I'm so stupid to fall into yr tricks mah.. The next thing I saw was Liang pointing to him. I was like damnit! 有这么巧吗？ I know it does not implement anything but at e same time I do think 难道这算是有缘吗？

He was there with his batch of Coll. From far, I could see that he's happy, enjoying himself in theirs companion. 这样也已经够好了. Some part in me, I do feel abit uneasy, especially when e moment Liang said 也只有一位配得了他了, maybe I also had a hunch that they both had likings towards one another even thou they wasn't seated side by side.

He look so different compared to the past, I guess thats what people say by "growing up". I still prefer e old him. Maybe he is still him to his friends, his coll, his family, but he is never the old him to me again :( I guess I hurted him way too much by breaking so many promises, I do hope he can forgive me but its an impossible thingy.
After awhile, we left.. I bypass theirs table, only bided a bye n didn't said anything else. Somehow I wish I/he could have e courage to 问候彼此.  I totally don like the way we are now but theres' nothing I could do, nothing I could change.

You’re nothing more than a memory, that I haven’t learned how to forget yet

So many people are getting marry! This year, Ive already received so many red bombs! Haa..
Its opt to be a happy year, happy events!

Earlier today, I was out with BFFs at LOL.. I saw that my lil cousin, Ping, posted her happy event.. Her bf, Aaron proposed to her at Nasam Tower.. =) So happy for her loh.. May all love birds be happy together and ever! =)

But another side of me, felt kinda emo. I don deny that I will want and hope to get marry but at the same time I feel fear, worry.
可能是因为周围的人个个都快要结婚了吧？我不是怕我嫁不出去而是怕嫁错人， 做错的选择或不能全心全意的爱一个人. People says, look for someone who is more financially stable cos once you get marry, there will be alot of finances involve.. I do wonder, arent love suppose to last? R do dotes and loves me alot but something is still not so right.. Maybe bcos we are still quite new to the rs.. People tot that R n me have been together for more than 2 years+ or even more.. But we arent. Only a year +. Haa..

Ah yi said this to us (cousins): Always remb your happy moments and vows to keep marriage ongoing. For those who is still searching for the other one, be patient and don rush into it. As marriage is a journey not a destination.

I told Ben, Im not in a very good mood. Alot of things running through my head. I also told Ben about the marriage thingy. He told me, don get marry is the best. Bcos you never knows wad gonna happens. Ben is someone who I know will be there for me. Although I seldom meet him, he love to talk cock till some time I also cannot stand him but he is someone who will also do stupid acts to make people around him laugh. He is someone who can bears with my grumble and nv left me when I was at my lowest. At least, he nv promised and fail me before. Maybe bcos all along we maintained a good friendship.

Anyway, don think so much.. Let nature runs it own course ba =) 该来的总是会来的啦.

You only live once, so do everything twice.

Isit really possible to do everything twice? To amend for the mistake you did before or do the things even better? Chances are not given so easily for you to do everything twice!



Walked past here... This place bring back alot of memories..



People who have been thru year 2002 - 2004 with me should know where this is. I never tot that I will meet nice people there but I was wrong. I met most of my good friends now at this place =)

People who gave me opportunity to get day job, people who let me know whats love is.. Back at those day, don really have to think so much yet there was so much happiness compared to now.

I could still remb, there was once, I gotten dead drunk at there. Someone called at 2+am, knowingly, i was so drunk, took a cab down imm, just to send me home safely. Even thou we were only friend. Isnt it sweet? But too bad, we distanced, cant even get back to inital stage.

I could still remb, the very first time I met Ber and gang, Ber dropped his slippers inside cos he was being dragged out for being too drunk! Haa..

I could still remb, Steven told me: Never be the choosen, be e chooser.

Things have changed so much since then. Its good to be able to recall e past, but for wad? If its a sad ending? Pointless if im the only one who think back and not others.

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting

I met an old friend few days ago while queuing up for Koi with Angela at Illuma.. Someone whom I haven saw for close to 10 - 11 years! Was chatting with Angela when he came over to ask "Are you Stephanie?"
I gotten a shock and step a step backwards; trying to recall who he is and yes, I managed to recall after thinking/stoning for 10sec.. Haa!

I said some thing stupid..
He asked, "你现在在做什么?"
My reply: "oh, 在排队买 Koi loh"

Both he and Angela was shocked by my reply and burst out laughing.. I guessed thats e usual me, when I was shocked.. Exchanged number as per his request, couldn't find a way to reject him.. His name is Andy. He didn't contact me till today, which I tot/hope he nv will.. Haa..


We held a very friendly conversation till he asked, why that time we suddenly lost contact. But how e hell will I rmb as it was so many donkey years ago. Moreover back then, none of us have a HP! Den he said, he still remb where I stay and he did tried to find me for a year cos he missed me so much. I was like -_-", totally speechless..

He continued that he even waited for me downstairs my house for a few times but didnt managed to catch me! This time, I was really stunned by his whatsapp. Totally donno wad to reply at all. Haa! Till e next day, he MSG me, saying that why I MIA 1/2 way while MSG-ing. I replied, fallen asleep! Thereafter he told me to pass a MSG to Angela that when she is in Japan, can look for him cos so coincidentally, they are travelling to Jap on the same week and he is familiar with that area cos his family stay there. -_-"

I told Angela about what Andy said and she tease me nonstop! She said "Mercs vs BMW loh" -_-" WTH right.. Haa! Cos that day, after Andy walked away, we turned and saw him entering his car. We were pretty shocked that hes' driving now as he used to loves and ride bike and used to be quite notorious. But am happy for him lah, as he turn over a new leaf and is doing well in his life now.

Andy might be bluffing that he waited downstairs my plc for me. But frankly, I was pretty touched by his words =) But Andy is not the only guy who waited downstairs for me. There was one super silly guy who used to do so too and he did so much better than e rest of e guys that I ever met =)

Life is simple, its just not easy

Back from Phuket! A 4d 3n short getaway! Athough there was a few hippcus during this trip cos we had a group of 7pax but still, it can be considered as enjoyable bah.. hmmm...

Haha! I could have a dimple, if I smile hard enough!
Been ages since I went to a beach resort. The most fun part of this trip was playing Jet-ski! The weather at Phuket was super hot and humid! Sweat alot there but I love going to Thailand because I can have Tom-yum soup all day long! lol..

Ive been travelling, travelled to most of the nearby countries in SE Asia. But if one day, Im allow/ I dare to travel by myself, this is one of the plc I put on my top list that I would want to go.

I donno whats nice there but its a place whereby I used to hear my friend talks about and I haven been there before! They once promised to bring me there, to snorkel, to sit cable car etc.. But I doubt they still rmb and they will ever bring me there =(

Memories is what is left when some things happens and does not complete completely

Chill-ed out with Liang and Jessie at Newton!

Its nice to have gathering with them like this but another side of me, felt emo.. Cos we chatted about something about how we used to gather at 304A. Then one of them said, it'll be impossible to have such a big group in future, if there's liang, there wont be Becky, if there's ong, there wont be jessie.. if there's liang and Ong, there wont be jessie and becky.. :( Then they said, you think can be like you and him meh, not paiseh still go out in a group. I told them, no choice because, you all are my friends also.

And today, I came to know that e Mr. Kaypo Liang have my blog address too! -_-" So Paiseh Loh, when he suddenly blurt it out to me.. I initially tot that not much of my friends knew about my blog cos I never mentioned about it much.

Some time, I do wish I have the courage to let all of them go. So that I wont ever hear about his things. I really don wanna care. But my circle of friends seems to rotates around him or will have common friends.. FML

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage

For now, if I ever get marry, this will be my wedding song! *Hearts it*



Today is the day filled with L.O.V.E!

Happy Vday to every one I know..
Enjoy yourself, be it with your loved one or friends or family members..!

Heading out soon for my Vday celebration and I bet it will be a good and fun day for me! =)

I may regret the way we end but I will never regret what we had

One of my guy friend said this to me:
男人最怕老婆的唠叨，情人的眼泪，红颜自己的误会
He followed by: A man need to have 3 kinds of women in his life.. -_-"

I find it a complete bullshit.. Why the hell would a person need 3 different person if 1 is sufficient.. But, its hard to meet that special person that fits perfectly..

I've not been missing you but I've been dreaming about you. WTH right?! 痛是因为梦见你.



Somehow, I wish its true but I know its not..

People say, look forward, if its meant to be yours, even if 5-10 years down the road, you will still be back together..

I do wondered, why do I still think about you. 也许是我们没有好好的做个了断。没有好好的讲清楚。所以我还会一直留在原地踏步。你是否能帮我最后一次，让我们有一个机会好好的谈，好让我可以往前走.

Sometimes, Im happy that you once came into my life but most of the time, I wish you didnt. If you didnt, I wouldnt still be thinking about you till date.. Contradicting har?

Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you. And I wish on a star that somewhere, you are thinking of me too

Meaningful! And at least, at the end, they still reunited even thou it was so many years later, even thou they were old, its so sweet.

Do you still love me, please tell me.



I read this... So sweet

Determine to be with u and want so much to make u the last girl that i'm going to love.. and settle down with u.. build a small family of our own.. and lead a simple life with u..

thinking of our future.. thinking of how we should have our future to be after we're married.. after i've decided u to be the women i want to be with, i've never thought of changing or having another.. becos i'm so determine to settle down with u and plans for our future.. i just can't describe how much i love u.. since i've known u, i've not been fooling around outside.. cheating u.. or lying to u.. i've high hopes in us.. thou for the past one year it has been a difficult path for us to walk but we still walk it through.. together.. and no matter how hard the future path is going to be for us to walk.. i'll still wants to bite the bullet and walk u through..

u had so much affections on me.. even going out i'll also wants u to be by my side.. i know its kind of sticky but i just wants u to be by my side whenever possible.. doing things together and sharing our joy..

i'll always be there for u.. i'm not silly for doing all this.. cos i know what i'm doing and what i'm fighting for.. Baby.. most importantly is i'm really serious about u.. thats why i've never want to stop fighting for u..

HIM LOVES HER truly and deeply..

Although now, we cant never be back together again, I wish that if there is really next life, I would be able to meet you again, be together with you once again and reconciled the love we once had.

=(

I wish I had the power to ignore you like you ignore me

Thou it was a joke, it have been ages since we laughed like that together..



They made a joke out of us, and although it was 6 years back but till now this things is still quite embarrassing har? Thats' one of our lil memories =)

A Tear is made of 00.01 % Water & 99.99 % Feelings

I read through "Unspeakable words", which made me started tearing again.. If I know, I wouldnt have read it.. Joke arh!

Do you know that each time when I get to see you, each time I'll get drunk?
因为没有说清楚也没有好好的做个结束，所以才会这样吗？

Im missing you but there's nothing much I can do...

where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which i find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, falling in at night. I miss you

Went DF last night and I saw someone whom I didn't expected to see.. Almost couldn't recognise him as it have been ages since I last saw him..

I looked at him a few times before I was sure.. Bernard Chua! Someone whom I used to hang out with, with him.. He changed a lot or should I say he is much fitter compared to e past.. We chatted for awhile and den I realised, time flies, period! His eldest son is 7 this year.. I even went to his baby's shower at that point of time.
But I'm sad to hear from him that he and wifey are filing for divorce now. It's a pity.. He said "有时候做朋友反而更好＂ Well, maybe it's true but .... :

Jessie MSG me recently and informed that she and Ong have signed e paper. I'm shocked to know of this news as I thought they have made up!

如果要离婚的话为何要结婚呢？Regards to this qns, some of my friends reply, you wont be able to predict wad's going to happen in future.. But shouldnt both parties try harder to maintain their rs if they knew things have gone abit haywire? Aiyah, relationship are so complicated.. =(

Anyway, all I can hope for them is they will be much happier in e future

Sometimes the cards we are dealt are not always fair. However you must keep smiling & moving on

My friend shared this post on FB which I finds it very meaningful



他和她已经分手两年了。两年来他每天下班习惯性地打开她的博客，看看她一天的心情。她有时候高兴，有时候失落……他只是默默地注视着，不做一点评论，甚至删掉了浏览记录。直到有一天她博客上挂满了她的婚纱照。下面有一行小字：“我嫁人了，不等你了，不更新了。” =(

Time wait for no men.. Cherish and speak out your heart, for one day you might realised that its no longer around...

Woke up early today to wait for Singtel's installation people to come over as I applied for new Internet services..
My BF, R, drag me to IMM as it was still early. Thinking maybe he wanna go have breakfast so I tag along with him and to my surprise, he wanted to buy me a new lappy as Ive been using my current one for 6 years+? Yes, Ive a old dinasour lappy with me.. He's kinda sweet lah, cos he say its time for me to change cos he knew that sometimes I used my lappy till very pek chek.. I went to take a look at a few but decided to give it a miss as I totally have no ideas wad lappy and specs Im looking for..

Learning to be more appreciative of him, to understand him more although at times, he really will make me angry cos we have different thinking.. White Iphone 4S, im coming for u in another few days time :D

Happy 2012!

Happy 2012!






Spend my 2011 last day with friends at Hollywood.. Love all of them to bits.. I haven been partying this often with GFs..

Didnt expected Liang to come down and look for me and also was shocked that he came along too.. I looked through the old photos, realised that we all look different, maybe due to our age, maybe things really changed. Even my friends say you changed alot. Abit upset but it's good cos you changed for the better.

And yes, I know.. Ive been visiting Thai disco abit too often recently but den my that group of Gfs wanted to go therefore.... Bo bian!

Cling to your imperfections, they are what make you unique.

Happiness!






Its just a drama show but by looking at all these photos, it gave me a sense of happiness and actually wakes me up.. As I aged, I forgotten this theory; that happiness can actually be so simple =)

MK recommended me to this show... He said the female lead in the show resemble me. He said e way she speak and behave in this show looks like me.. When I watch e first ep, I do not think so but gradually.... Haa.. Im still halfway into the show but I kinda like this show..

Last 2 days, I was at Vincent's place for MJ.
The first day when I went over, he was still MJ-ing with his ex-student and his ex-student's friends. This particular ex-student of his, caught my attention. Why? I also donno... Haa!
His back was facing me when I stepped into the house. Maybe because he was wearing that " blue sleeveless PTI..?" As it was still 南风, I loiter around the table to watch them play. The way that group of guys talks, the way they played / touch the MJ and so more, reminds me of the past. It have been a long time since a guy managed to catch my attention. Probably it was the way he smiled and his look. He does look and behave slightly like him, slightly.. But this guy are more muscular.. :) But I guess and feel, its definitely got nth to do with K. I think I've a fetish for uniform and short-haired guy.. Wahhaha! Just kidding.. Anyway, I donno how the conversation end up but before that guy left, he told me his age, 25, same age as me..
Thereafter, Vincent told me that this particular guy and the other 2 pals that he bought along are in the service. Haa.. Maybe thats the reason why watching them MJ, reminds me of days in 304A or even days at Tham's place =)
The next day when I went over to Vincent's place, he told me that the same group played during noon time and he wanted me to help him revenge on MJ as for the 2 days, he lost about 1K to them as this particular group play 1,2. I told him, maybe 他们看我是女孩子，他们会 give chance to me. Vincent reply was: Ya loh, i think they will cos this noon, the other 2 guys disturb that particular guy, 看女人看到打错牌. Ofcos I asked Vincent why they said so? He said, the moment I reach, that particular guy gave out twice 5 double.. Haa! I cant imagine that I still have this kind of charm.. Wahhaha!

I met up with the 2 irritating buddies of mine today at Suntec, MK and Ong for dinner..

I think I get to know and finally understand something today. Sadden yet released; at least its a breakthrough for me =) Contented.. 终于明白，终于能解脱了
一言惊醒梦中人

我：我不明白为什么他能和她出门但为何不能和我？我也已经没有在和他说什么了嘛.
他：你自己有没有想原因？
我: 没有。想了但又不知道
他：Haiz -_-"
他：也许，他爱/喜欢她。对你，已经没有那种感觉。不想让你误会所以避开你。他喜欢她，才会跟她出门。
我：但是她不是明年就要结婚了吗？
他：他以前对你也是这样啊。他以前也是希望你有一天会回心传意，不是吗？也许他是在希望她明年不会结婚？
我：…. 也对啦
他：他也都承认他是一个重色轻友的人啊。我觉得我好像做了坏人。你现在觉得Ok 吗？
我：还好啦。没事！谢谢你让我知道，谢谢你让我明白，所以我也不会再乱想了，我也会真正 move on。
他：但这些都是我自己的想法，可能也不是他的.
我：No lah, 听你这么说，我觉得也对啦，不然还会有什么原因。这个是最好的答案啊！
他：你觉得你这样对你男朋友公平吗？
我：我知道我这样是对他很不公平但是你今天让我领会的事，我以后可以好好地对待他也不晚啊。我知道我的男朋友真的对我很好。只是以前没有人向我解释，我也不知道为什么所以一直在dingdong.. 哈哈。谢谢你。

虽然不是出于他本身但从别人的口中听到了，心真得很痛。有点想哭的感觉但我很感谢他对我这么诚实。我也不会再执迷不悟，不会再认为他还在。只能怪以前的我，不懂得珍惜，不懂得的等待。现在他的心属于别人了，我也只能袖手旁观。像很多很多人所说的，我和他真的是没有缘分吧！虽然很不甘心可是我真的要学习让自己死心！

I admit, I really miss how things used to be. But I also admit, that I’m learning to accept the fact that things changed.

You lied. You disappointed me. We have always been nothing but a joke.




Do I really have to face up to reality and really say good-bye to you? :(



Opt to learn to love and cherish what is present and in the future instead of dwelling into a past that is unattainable.

I went to do my hair today and Liang came down to look for me.
I miss e days whereby whenever I made e appt to do my hair and someone will be there waiting to look at my end result without complaining e amt of time e person wasted while waiting for me.

Many times, I would tot of doing something stupid which is like posting a date and see if you would turn up for e appt. idiotic right?

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have

Pre-Christmas celebrations with my BFFs...





The ones that never fail to make my day, the ones that will always be there for me... Love you girls..

We'd our pre-Christmas celebration at MBS Hotel on 14th December.. Our 1st year celebrating Xmas in a hotel and all of us managed to have a sleepover together! Its our 1st time okay?! My GFs are so sweet, specially brought beer for me as they knew I cant take vodka.. :D

Look at the number of video we took while playing Twister, Im so glad that all of us had so much fun and laughter together! Also not forgetting, the log cakes and the liquor!