The best blush to use is laughter: It put roses in your cheeks and inyour soul

My 25th birthday party!

Never had the intention to celebrate, it was only on Friday itself den I ask my pals come out but I was surprised that each of them put in e efforts to come for my party.. Not forgetting my BFFs, they totally ignored my group chat with them for they were planning a turn up surprise for me! Heart them muchie.. Angela came as well..

Together forever, never apart. Maybe in distance, but never in heart

Been thinking wad is this song about... Google for it and found the explanation..

是有过几个不错对象（其实从分手后就没有再跟谁谈过恋爱，因为心里一直只有你一个）
说起来并不寂寞孤单（其实一直一个人生活得很寂寞）
可能我浪荡（其实一点也不风流）
让人家不安，才会结果都阵亡（根本就没有和任何人开始过，哪来的结束？）

段落解析：第一部分，桌上开始寒暄，主要是像前女友掩饰自己分手后的落寞，并伪造事实，意图使前女友认为自己过得很风流快活，但终究没有那些事，心中本来就只有前任一个，也不可能后来再和谁有个什么，但是前女友质疑为何如此风流倜傥，如今却单身一人，认为男主角在说谎，男主角就只能以“因为自己太过风流，让人没有安全感而离开”为借口来说明为何现今自己单身一人。
　　
　　
我没有什么阴影魔障（其实和你分手对我心理的打击相当大）
你千万不要放在心上（和你的现任好好生活，痛苦我自己承担）
我又不脆弱（其实我也是人，也脆弱得要命）
何况那算什么伤（那不仅是伤，还是我永远无法痊愈的伤）
反正爱情不就都这样（其实我一点也看不开）

段落解析：第二部分，男主角是要让前女友觉得自己心理承受能力很好，当初的分手根本不值得让自己有任何牵绊，假装自己在感情世界里浮沉了这么多年，早就看透这东西了。其实，男主角根本看不开，想不透，心里受了很严重的伤。
　　
　　
我没有说谎（我刚才说的全是假的）
我何必说谎（为了我的自尊我必须说谎）
你懂我的（以前的你很了解我）
我对你从来就不会假装（以前不会，但现在不得不假装）
我哪有说谎（我真的在说谎）
请别以为你有多难忘（分手这么久了还是忘不了你）
笑是真的不是我逞强（我现在是强颜欢笑）

段落解析：第三部分，男主角的前任根据当初对他的了解，怀疑他在说谎，但是男主角极力掩饰，并拿出“自己从未对自己前任说过谎”的例子来掩饰，想让自己的前任认为自己早已轻易忘了她，现在的笑是发自内心的。但是毕竟是在说谎，男主角心中的感情无法掩盖，渐渐的开始表露在外面了。
　　
　　
我好久没来这间餐厅（其实经常到这里来找我们当初的回忆）
没想到已经换了装潢（我经常来，还会不知道么？）
角落那窗口（我们当初约会时的固定位置）
闻得到玫瑰花香（玫瑰是我们当年爱情的见证）
被你一说是有些印象（其实不需要你提醒，我也会一直清楚的记得）

段落解析：第四部分，男女主角谈到了这个他们以前经常约会的餐厅，男主角为了掩饰自己，故意向前任撒谎说自己从分手后就很少来，甚至没有来过这个餐厅了，这个都已经不是当初的模样，同时影射出自己和前任也已经不是当初的关系了，女主角提到了当初约会时，经常坐的那个位置有很浓的玫瑰香，男主角顺势拿过话题说自己都不太记得了，现在被提起，仿佛还有点印象，意图影射出，自己对这餐厅的感觉就像对前任的感情，已经淡忘了。
　　
我没有说谎（我刚才说的全是假的）
我何必说谎（为了我的自尊我必须说谎）
你知道的（当初你确实了解我）
我缺点之一就是很健忘（我的确健忘，但是有关我们的一切回忆怎么会忘？）
我哪有说谎（我真的在说谎）
是很感谢今晚的相伴（感谢你对我这样一个孤独的人的可怜）
但我竟然有些不习惯（已经不是当初的关系了，现在痛苦得像要停止呼吸了一样）

段落解析：第五部分中，女主角已经开始拆穿男主角的所有谎言，男主角拿“自己前任当初知道自己健忘”来搪塞，但是傻子都知道，再怎么健忘，关于两个人的那么深刻的回忆，怎么会忘成这样？男主角已经是在自己骗自己了，再一想到自己如今单身落寞，而前女友却即将步入婚姻的殿堂。今晚她明明是来送喜帖的，自己却为了自己的自尊，形容成是来陪自己吃饭的，但是内心的感情已经抑制不住，自己甚至有些失态，只能加上一句“像我这样看透感情，玩转爱情的人，在今晚这样的气氛中，竟然也有些不习惯，所以才看上去有些感伤”。还好，男主角没说自己是突然犯病了才看上去难受的……
　　
　　
我没有说谎（我刚才说的全是假的）
我何必说谎（为了我的自尊我必须说谎）
爱一个人没爱到难道就会怎么样（当然会让我有个什么，会让我颓废忧郁，黯然神伤）
别说我说谎（给我最后留点自尊吧，在你们的幸福面前，也让我假装幸福一次吧）
人生已经如此的艰难（失去你的痛苦，生活事业的压力让我喘不过气）
有些事情就不要拆穿（我就是忘不了你，我刚才都在说谎）

段落解析：第六部分中，女主角看到男主角很难受，就问他是不是由于最后没能跟自己在一起，受了很深的打击而至今痛苦，男主角死鸭子嘴硬地反问女主角分手会让自己受多大的伤呢，自己根本没受多大影响，此时男主角心中的感受已经表露无疑，两人都是心照不宣，男主角眼看自己的面具被渐渐揭下来，就甚至有些乞求的让女主角不要再继续说下去了，承认说分手对自己已经打击不小了，生活上的颓废，加上自己和朋友屡次创业惨遭失败，让自己简直失去了对人生的追求，并认为女主角现今的处境跟自己是一个天上一个地下，她这个幸福的人就不要再捅破他这个失败的人最后的尊严。
　　
　　
我没有说谎（我刚才说的全是假的）
是爱情说谎（不是爱情，就是我在说谎）
它带你来骗我说渴望的有可能有希望（我原以为今天你约我出来是可以复合，没想到是你是来送喜帖，请我去喝你们的喜酒的）

段落解析：但是男主角依旧不肯承认自己主动说谎，意图说成是“因为爱情，被迫说谎”，并说出，自己以为女主角今晚来是想再给他一个复合机会，却完全没预料到，不仅不是这样，而且自己前任还是送喜帖来的，她要做别人的新娘了！当初和她一起的那些快乐，怎么能忘？现在，自己要眼睁睁的看着她成为别人的妻子，男主角甚至会误会，她今晚是来炫耀的！
　　
　　
我没有说谎（我刚才说的全是假的）
祝你做个幸福的新娘（你做别人的新娘了我怎么会开心？多希望你是我的新娘！）
我的心事请你全遗忘 （其实还是希望你仍然能够记得我，毕竟爱都是自私的，尽管你已经要成为别人的新娘）

段落解析：剧情落幕，男主角已经彻底崩溃，分手后自己对前任的等待，一直以来承受的孤独寂寞，全部都没有结果，现在反倒是前任要结婚了，自己除了祝福，还能送上什么呢？只好让女主角忘掉自己这个笑话，而自己的未来，谁知道呢？

Why cant people be truthfully about their feelings? It takes 2 hands to clap, why must always be the case that one trying, one 吊起来卖？I tried that time, why cant you try again, for me and for yrself. I tot I stopped thinking but when I talk to friends around me, I find out that I'd actually hided it without realizing it =(

Its hard to be strong, when every piece of you is weak with all of the lies & tears

" I'm sort of living a lie right now... There is just so much going on in my head that I wish I can tell any one but my stupid journal.. but I can't tell anybody the truth of my thoughts because I don't know what's going on in my mind..."



Bee said, she wanna speak to me last night at Bala however we cant therefore we arrange to meet up on Friday. She say why I emo.. I also donno why. Anyway, its good to know she cares.. she have been a good, caring, steady friend, thats why I said, Im lucky to have this batch of crazy BFFS..

FML

Just because I moved on doesnt mean I wont be here if you change your mind. And if you were to say: come with me, even now I might go

"I actually wrote the below post for few weeks and Ive been thinking whether to post this up or not.. but still I did it today.. I hope this will be the very last post about K"


Few days ago, K SMS-ed me "Dinner tonight? Payback dinner.. Lolz" thus we decided to meet up 2 days later which is earlier today for dinner. Ofcos it's not just him and me lah..

GL, JY and MD were with us.. Seriously I'm pretty taken aback that he remember that he still owe me a meal. Ofcos I don deny the fact that occasionally when we had a chance to talk, I'll pester him that "eh u still owe me a meal" but it's really 除此预料 that he really does that! At first, I did pondered whether should I go as I'm afraid but thinking that since he made e first move in wanting to payback the dinner to me, that was more than enough.

I told bee abt it and she said its a scandalous date.. Wahaha.. But no lah, it's not, 我和他是不可能的。
I'm really happy to see him again, it's a kind of feelings I cant describe. 也许是还没有完全的放下他但我真的有很努力的在做，在学习。而且有人告诉我过 "never look back in the past, look forward and learn how to make ur life a better one... Things which aren't meant to be will never be"..

Somehow this phrase wake me up, 是我放弃了这一切所以我不可能会回到过去我也不应该活在过去。有人告诉我：假如你心里还有别人你也不能全心全意的去爱另一个人。我知道这样对我的男朋友很不公平但有些事不是说要忘就能忘，像电脑要测地清除就能清除了。我真的有去想，他到底有什么好,都已经分了四年两个月为何他还会在我心里。For this, I was also amazed by myself.. Haa! 也许是他的体贴，他的笑容，他那些无私的爱，他的一切一切吧, 所以才那么难忘记吧。每次和别人谈到他，我总是会觉得开心 but thereafter I'll feel like shit. 有时有些人会问我，你还没有放弃他吗？我的答复会是，不是每件事都能这么容易的。毕竟他真的给了我很多美好的回忆。我也不否认那时的我，是很任性，蛮不讲理，野蛮。而虽然我这么不好，他从没放弃过我，一直陪在我的身旁。我知道要彻底忘掉一个人最好的办法是，不和他有任何联络。我有想过我可以学别人一样，把前难友从fb delete away，少点和我们的common friends 接触可是我真的做不到。好笑right?　有时也是我自己皮痒啦，有空的时候会拿出他送我的卡片看，不知不觉也会掉下眼泪。明知道是不可能的还去想很stupid right? 在他的卡里，他说我曾经爱说：开心就好了咯 but then 我很久已经没有说了我也不知道我自己的感觉。他总是说他早就放弃了，but somehow in my heart 我觉得他没有，也许是我想太多了吧。也许我是在蹁自己。有空的时候我也会想想看我和他还有没有可能。如果那时真的有机会一起，我想他也许会是我的终身半吕吧哈哈，因为懂得珍惜，或者会怕再在一次的是失去 or maybe as per above title。我会后悔，有时我也会想如果那时他早点对我坦白，我也耐心的等他的回答回来，现在会是怎样。为什么要在他走之前的一星期才叫我等他！为何有话不早说，要是他早说的话，我不会去认识新的朋友。我真的很讨厌他！我真的也很想他。 I know there are 2 side of stories in life.. 如果不是这样，我也不会认识到我的男友而过着不错的生活。最好笑的是，我会想如果有一天我和男友要是散了，我会和他再在一起吗？当然我也自有了答案。也许就像他们所说的，我和他是欢喜冤家或者我们真差了缘分吧！无论如何我真得很高兴能再一次的和他一起吃饭，能见到他可是每当我看见他以后，虽然明知道我又会心痛了。有太多的话想说可是再也不能说！这种感觉真的好辛苦哦！！！ 但也只能放在心里，总之只要他过得好过得开心就够了。不得不放弃但放弃也许是一种开始吧?

I used to say "Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means you are strong enough to let go" but it seems like I nv accomplish any of these 2. 好没有用！

Overall, It'd been a great catching up session cum dinner with them.. Somehow it have been ages since I laugh so heartily.

One of the blessings of having old friends is that you can afford to be stupid with them

Dear girls, thanks for being such a darling always, for being in part of my life, Im really lucky and happy to have you girls.. 八三妇女节快乐！muackz...

Living with your mistake is harder than you think

Been watching 醉后决定爱上你, its quite a nice show and certain sentences that the actors said, i find it nice.. "如果心里存在者不甘心，就代表还有没到放弃的时候" and "给你最多快乐的就是你的真爱"

holding on to something that used to be there hoping it will come back yet knowingly it won't.

We all have our own time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams

Insomnia night again..
Stupid PC fail on me again, it stated "problems with your sound device", simply have no ideas wad it meant.. Duh!

Let me play n rot awhile more and I'll get my ass back into working society. Seriously I'm getting slightly bored with the lifestyle now. I prefer staying hm instead of heading out to drinks compared to past. Maybe it's bcos I haven been working thus no stress?? Nah, I doubt that's e case.. But I hate being alone at hm! No one to cook dinner for me.

Donno true or not but Dad said he might wanna go back to Brunei in a year or so. If he's going, maybe I could go back there with him too? Haa! But if I were to stay there permanently, I will get bored to death for sure! I'm wondering how people manage to get oversea jobs.. I feel like leaving but can I?

Happy Birthday 2011

Happy birthday to people close to my heart



Although time have changed, and we might not be seeing, contacting each other that often, you are still someone who are always close to my heart.

Celebrated Angela birthday on lasr Sat at St James. It was fun with so many babes present but I left early as powerhouse are too cramped for me and too many people at the club.

Its also Kevin's birthday. Liang did called me on Friday night to ask me go down but I rejected him as he only call me at 1plus am and I wasnt invited at first so no point of me going down la. Maybe bcos I also don wanna be caught in those awkward situation again but that Ah liang, very jialat de.. Say got woes wanna share with me, wanna fake me down.

I hope both of them enjoyed their bday celebration and may their life be filled of happiness and good luck!

No matter when and where, I always wish I could be there celebrating this kind of occasion with you two or all of friends but sometime circumstances don allows, sometime its just me who hold myself back =( I hope you are happy, I did what I opt to do and thats e least I can still do for you,...(,")(",)



Few years back at Mount Faber (it was also in the month of June), that was the first time i ever heard of this song, sang by someone together with some foolish actions and since then, I fell in love with it =)
#$%#&*(! I should not be thinking about the past. Sigh... But slowly and surely, I guess I will stop; I hope

a song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. no matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays

If you still remembers,



But I doubt you do, I doubt people remember their promises.

I wanted and needed to talk to someone earlier as I think I need some advice. Yes, there's alot of people who I can speak to but I just want to speak to that someone. I belive that's the only person who can offer me the best and unbaised solution but I donno how to tell the person I need a listening ear and I don think that person will have time for me to pour my trouble too.. =(

Vex arhhh!! 我现在是过得挺幸福的但是我很想找回童话世界的"我们"。

In everyone's past there is a love they can't get over and a summer where it all began…

Its the month of June.. Half year into 2011 already

MJ-ed with the guys last month during Vesak day. It's been so long since we last Mj together. Also, it were my first time to visited Tham new Hse.
Mj-ed with them again last Friday and I made a very classic comment.

Tham: Dice leh?
Me: 没有

And they reminded me that I was 北风北庄!
Okay lah, thou paiseh but managed to make the guys stunned and burst out in laughter :)

Coffee-ed with Ah liang on 23th May.
That guy win loh, I wasnt supposed to meet him but I think he was too bored thus he insisted I meet him by telling me he will reach my place within 20 mins and to ensure I will go coffee with him, he said: If you nv come down, its okay, I will just consider as putting him plane. So bad of him right? But overall, it was a great chit chatting session with him for a long cool 5 hours.

Sometimes I do wish to blog to share to pen down what's happening in my life but some time I just hold back myself from doing so..

I don like it when people talks about you, asking me qns about you and so many more. Im already trying my best in doing what I opt to do. Minimizing knowing, hearing, contacting, thinking..

''Sorry can we just be friends?'' is like saying ''The dog died but can we keep it"

Nice one!

There's a little truth to every 'just kidding'

" I’m scared because, I don’t want anyone else to have your heart. I don’t want anyone else you kiss, I don’t want anyone else to be in your arms, I don’t want you to love anyone else. I’m scared because i dont’ want anyone to take my place."

Happy to meet, happy to know, happy to hear!
The guys(ber and gang) might be kidding me but when they told me someone were happy, happy to see me, I was delighted yet I can only pretend that it doesn't matters to me. The guys are so -_-", kept saying Beng kept my photo in his wallet which I absolutely don blive it.
Yes, I had a short 2 1/2 hours gathering with the guys last night, ate 天天火锅 for dinner. Thankfully, things turned out well and there was no stranger present. 火锅 seems to be our fav dish, as most of the time we will arrange to meet up for steamboat. Lolz! Everyone were present aside from Daniel. There wasn't a round 2 as most of them have things on hand. I hope I'll be able to meet up with them again, soon! I really miss the days whereby we hang out together frequently! But glad that we still keep in contact and will make e effort to meet up =)

Another 20 hours, I'll be going for a vacation trip with my gfs! So excited about it =) Shop and relax!

Pay more attention to my favorite songs. Because the lyrics they sing, are words I’m afraid to say

Gathering with the guys this Friday, can't wait to see them. They were my only group of guys friends that I still keep in contact with after Q. I'll try my best to avoid if I can cos 有时候不见反而更好！

I'm kinda getting bored of not working. Thinking of going back work soon but I've no ideas what should my next move be.
Thinking of changes too; thou I really dislike changes to be made. Not happy =(

One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart you can't speak

Life is so fragile.. Too bad we cant turn back time..

I was the one who said things changed, but you were the one who showed me exactly how much they really did

I bypass the route, recalled the time whereby I used to take bus 961. It were a long journey; 45 mins bus ride, taxing but I kinda miss it. Memories flooded back non-stop. I missed the time I walked over to Eat, walked over to buy apple strudel, had the best celebrations there. Things were so much simpler and happier back then. Things also started to change at that place. Though it consisted of both good and bad memories, I feel and believe there were more happy memories. I miss it muchie, wish to go back to the past but I cannot any more. Ive been trying hard not to think about the past, been trying to look forward but its real hard.

As we aged, things seem much complex, more worries, some regrets but more wisdom? lol!

I dreamt about you again, lil angel.. but only to find myself smiling yet aching.

You can't hurt someone unless you really mean something to them

Now then I understand the above meaning.

Back from my HK trip and it was fun. Cooling weather! Not forgetting, Venetian hotel were fabulous!

＂错过就是错过了。最重要的是珍惜眼前人＂Quoted from Only You

Some things happened last week and I'm not happy at all. I'm not going to tell.
Things will change but not all. Still, I hate pretenders, I hate those copycats!

Time is all I need.

Never, ever, regret something that made you smile

Backdated..
13 February 2011
I went buffet at star gallery with cousin thereafter went up their hotel room and i started Vomite, diaherra, fever n cold -_-" appetite wasn't good also, could only take in few mouth of food.

Recently, I pen in my thoughts on the other blog.

22 Feb 2011
Went for my first Pap smear testing and I vaccinated myself with Gardsil. I received my report and its good! =)

Soon I will be heading to Hk/Macau for a 6d5n holiday.. Cant wait to step into HK after 4 - 5 years period. Shopping spree..

You love the first person who touches your heart, and you never love anyone quite that way again

Please recommend weight gaining method, I need to put on weight!
I'm only weighting at 45kg now which doesn't match my height at all..

Praying to 天公 tonight. As usual my house are filled with MANY offering stuffs.. It's gonna be real smoky in another 3hrs time

Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind. Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch